WWDD
by DZR
Summary: The course of true love never runs smooth. What Would Druitt Do?
1. Chapter 1

WWDD

Chapter 1

"Magnus, this was delivered for you," said Will, walking into his bosses study carrying a long rectangular cardboard box with a red ribbon tied elaborately around it. "There was no card with it," he explained, placing it down in front of her on her desk, hoping for a glimpse of whatever was inside.

"Thank you Will," said Magnus, pulling the box towards her and untying the ribbon.

She slid the lid of the box off the base and peeled back the tissue paper inside. There lay a dozen blood red roses. Literally.

"Um," uttered Will. "What is that?" he asked, staring into the box.

"These aren't red roses," murmured Magnus, transfixed by the sight in the box. "These are white roses, literally painted red, with blood."

They remained staring in silence at the horror inside the box.

* * *

Magnus crossed the entrance hall of the Sanctuary, engrossed in a file she was reading. A knock at the door caught her attention away from her work and she walked over to the front door.

"Helen, my dear, did you miss me?" asked Nikola Tesla, a huge grin plastered across his face.

"Nikola," she said with a smile, genuinely pleased to see her old friend.

He grabbed her in a hug before she could move or protest.

"Nikola, I wasn't expecting you, to what do I owe the pleasure this time?"

"You weren't expecting me? What are you talking about? Didn't you receive the flowers I sent you?"

"Flowers?" The temperature in the hall dropped and Tesla noticed his reception had turned decidedly chilly.

"Yes, roses," he admitted. "To ask you, ever so nicely, if I could stay for week or so. They did arrive?"

"They certainly did," she slapped him hard across the face.

"What was that for?" he asked amazed, what had he done this time?

"What the hell do you think you're playing at Nikola?" she demanded. "Sending me something like that. I suppose you thought it would be amusing."

Tesla stared at her open mouthed. He was having trouble working out what was wrong.

"I don't understand, it was just some flowers, it's never upset you before," he said genuinely hurt and confused.

Magnus softened at the wounded air about him.

"Blood, Nikola?"

"Blood?" He shook his head not understanding her meaning.

Magnus led him to her lab where she had been testing the blood which coated the roses to try and determine who it belonged to.

"Ahhh," said Tesla, understanding dawning on him. "I can assure you Helen, I sent twelve white roses and a card to beg for a room for a short stay. There was certainly no blood on them when they were sent."

"Then where did it come from? And to whom does it belong?" she asked him.

"That, is the question indeed."

* * *

Bigfoot stomped down the hallway nearly knocking Kate and Henry out of a window.

"What's got up his nose?" wondered Kate.

"Tesla threw him out of the kitchen," explained Henry. "He wants to make dinner for the Doc and said 'he couldn't work with abnormally hairy abnormals shedding in the food.' The Big guy would have to wear a whole body hair net if he wants back in the kitchen."

"Ouch."

"Yup."

"That Tesla really likes the Doc huh?"

"They go way back."

"You don't think that they... you know?"

"What? Ewww no. Ashley would freak out if that ever happened. I, would freak out if that ever happened."

"I wonder what vampires make for dinner?"

"Let's go see."

"Get out of my kitchen, genius at work and I must not be disturbed."

"We were just wondering what's for dinner?" asked Henry. "It smells good."

"Why don't you dial up one of those unholy pizza places and find out," snarked Tesla. "This is for Helen, you're not invited."

"What? No fair!"

* * *

That evening, Nikola led Magnus into the immaculately decorated dining room. Aware that Nikola had gone to a lot of trouble that evening, Magnus had dressed up for the occasion and was wearing a stunning black evening gown which complimented Nikola in his tuxedo perfectly. The room was illuminated by hundreds of candles placed all over the surfaces and the table was set for two. A very old bottle of wine, Magnus could have sworn she had hidden, was sitting in the wine cooler, waiting.

"This looks wonderful, Nikola."

He smiled happily, the effort had been worth it. Tesla pulled out Magnus' chair for her and she sat down.

"Thank you. What are we having for dinner?" she asked him.

He clapped his hands and Henry and Kate dressed in waiting jackets with towels draped over their arms walked in with Magnus' best silver dinner service covered with a silver cloche to keep the food warm.

"Canard a l'Orange, pommes dauphinois a petit pois."

"Duck, spuds and peas," translated Kate.

Tesla shot her a glare, it didn't sound very romantic or French when it was put like that. Magnus raised an eyebrow at the sight. How had he persuaded them to do this? Tesla sat down and the waiters set the plates down in front of the couple.

"Bon appetit," said Henry, and lifted the silver cover off Magnus' plate, Kate simultaneously doing the same for Tesla.

Magnus' chair shot backwards as she stood up staring at her plate in disgust.

"What the?" came Henry's response. "That wasn't there before!"

On Magnus' plate was a bloody heart, still steaming with warmth. Kate tentatively uncovered Tesla's plate. On it was a very dead, bloody pigeon.

"What are the chances that heart is a match to the blood on the roses?" said Magnus, very quietly.

She stormed out of the room, the warm heart in her hands, blood dripping down her dress and hurried down to her lab to run some tests on it.

"That's dinner ruined," said Tesla, in a huff.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Magnus stood at her favourite spot in the whole Sanctuary and looked out over the bright lights of the New City across the river, the bright lights which could not penetrate the demonic darkness the Old City still contained. She had a sneaking suspicion of what the evening's events was culminating towards.

"I should have guessed," said Magnus, turning and facing her admirer who had been sending her gifts that evening.

He stepped forward from where he had been hidden, at one with the oppressive black of night, melting out of the darkness.

"And you can wipe that smirk off your face," said Magnus.

"That poor excuse for a vampire needs to be put in his place," Druitt's deep voice resonated across the rooftop.

It never failed to amaze Magnus that one moment, one man, had for so long shaped her life, until Ashley had come along and even now he still had a hold over her. She glared at him but he just smirked in response. The door to the roof banged open and Ashley came outside, she took a quick glance at Druitt.

"Oh, it's you," she sniffed, "Figures." She turned away and addressed her mother. "The phoenix has eaten that manky heart, someone left it lying out."

Someone, being Tesla. Ashley had been avoiding company since Tesla had arrived. She couldn't bear to see him fawn over her mother in that sickening way. She turned to her father.

"I s'pose it doesn't matter about the tests now we know where it came from."

Druitt grinned and bowed in the olde worlde Victorian style he still retained.

"Get away from her," shouted Tesla, who had followed Ashley up to the roof in the hope of finding and hopefully comforting, his beloved Helen.

Ashley rolled her eyes, why couldn't he just accept he didn't have a chance while the creepy bald guy was still breathing. The grin disappeared from Druitt's face as his gaze sank down and rested on the disgusting fool of a pathetic bloodsucker. Tesla's eyes darkened and narrowed, his teeth became more pronounced and his claws extended. He turned into full vampire mode and hurled himself at Druitt in blood rage.

All his life the psychopathic mad man had plagued him, taunting, always out of reach and eternally in the way. He was the only thing standing in the way of him and Helen being together. Not that Helen would have agreed with that conclusion.

Druitt's roar of laughter only incensed Tesla further and he ran as fast as he could, claws at the ready, to tear apart the mocking ripper. At the last second Druitt stepped neatly to the side and Tesla went headlong over the wall and off the North tower all the way to the ground.

'Crack'

There was a sickening noise which made Ashley and Magnus wince. Magnus shut her eyes momentarily in despair. Ashley and Druitt looked over the wall and down at Tesla lying on the ground, his body at a completely unnatural angle. Ashley grimaced but Druitt just snickered.

"Shall I go and finish him off?" asked Druitt, not expecting an answer. He turned to see Helen glaring at him. "It's no use looking at me like that, Helen. It was not my fault this time. He flung himself off the roof, I did nothing."

The body on the ground below began to twitch.

"What's the best way to kill a vampire?" Druitt asked Ashley.

"I dunno, stake through the heart, chop off his head," she pondered.

"Ashley!" Magnus' admonished her.

"You know, I think I shall go and finish him off," said Druitt, with a happy grin. This was turning into a better day than he had imagined.

He still remembered the way Tesla had tortured him with electricity to try and convert him to that stupid vampire cause. The time he had tried to kill Helen because she too had refused to join his cult. Plus, it was about time he learned his lesson. The lesson he had failed to comprehend for the past hundred years. Magnus would never be Tesla's woman.

Druitt turned, winked at Ashley and jumped from the tower. He teleported before he hit the ground to stand next to the broken Tesla. From the tower, Magnus and Ashley watched as Druitt leaned down and put his hand around Tesla's throat. The blade of a knife glinted in the moonlight and then disappeared as Druitt teleported Tesla safely out of their sight.

* * *

_Okay, here's the thing. This fic is a joke and is not meant to be taken seriously. I can't believe I have to write a disclaimer! Read what fics you want, write what fics you want and I shall do the same. I got overwhelmed by the vast numbers of Teslen fics and wrote this to vent my frustration. Peace to all Sanctuary fans, especially those with a sense of humour, you're my favourite kind._

_Any Druitt fans out there, come and join us on the Druitt Diehards forum._


	3. Chapter 3

_I know I should just let it go but you have incensed me further. I have trampled on delicate Teslen feelings so, here it is, I cracked. What you have all been wanting, Nikola and Helen, together forever. Why are you still reading this?_

* * *

Chapter 3

Magnus sat alone in her study, it was the middle of the night (in season 3 after Ashley comes back, see I'm just as deluded as you are!) and she sat before a roaring fire, a glass of wine in hand to calm her nerves. Bloody John, always causing trouble. She was afraid to think what he had done to Nikola. They had never gotten along but to murder one of the Five was unthinkable, even for John. A knock at the door disturbed Magnus from her reverie.

"Mom?"

Magnus looked over at Ashley standing in the doorway, looking worried. She sighed.

"Why aren't you asleep?"

"Uh, well, Dad," Magnus cut her off before she could explain further.

"Ashley, I understand if you want to see your father but from now on I don't want him at the Sanctuary."

"OK, but starting tomorrow, right?"

"Why tomorrow?"

"Cos he's already here, now."

Magnus put down her wineglass with a vehement thud, stood and faced the doorway. Druitt stood behind Ashley, a sheepish grin on his face, his arms enveloping a large object draped with a cloth covering to hide it.

"What the bloody hell do you want? Haven't you caused enough trouble for one day?"

"I have stumbled across a unique problem and require your assistance."

"And what is it you imagine I would ever help you with?"

Druitt put the mystery item on Magnus' desk and removed the cover.

"Leeurggh brrble blrrgggghh"

Tesla's head shouted as loud as he could from inside the liquid filled jar where his lonely head bobbed about in the preservative solution.

Druitt sighed, "He just will not die."

Magnus stared open mouthed with horror and wonder, another incredible attribute of vampire genetics being demonstrated before her eyes. Tesla shut up and looked at Magnus with mournful puppy dog eyes.

"Brrrble," he said to her.

He wrinkled his nose and then started screaming, as well as one can scream underwater. Magnus, Druitt and Ashley stared at him in fascination, what was he doing?

"Maybe his pain sensors have kicked in," pondered Druitt.

"I think he's got an itchy nose," said Ashley. "I'm not scratching it."

"Where is the rest of him?" asked Magnus.

Druitt shrugged, "Probably floated off on his way to Japan by now."

"Oh good lord," said Magnus. Children, she was surrounded by children.

* * *

The next morning Kate, Will, Henry and Ashley were all assembled in the study ready for their day's orders.

"I want you to all go down to the river near the old docks and look for the rest of Nikola. Be careful, there was a Cabal team spotted in the area recently."

"I'm wearing a tuxedo," came a small voice from the jar on Magnus' mantle piece.

Magnus had fixed up a tube to Tesla's mouth enabling his speech to be understood. There was a deafening silence as the four tried not to collapse in hysterical laughter at the sight he made.

"It's all right, we'll keep our heads," started off Kate.

"Get over this joking business immediately," ordered Magnus.

"Alright Doc, keep your head on," said Henry.

"That's enough," demanded Magnus.

"Yeah, c'mon guys," said Ashley, "Or she'll knock our blocks off."

"We should ask Druitt where to find it," said Will thoughtfully.

"It has a name," said Tesla, furiously bubbling at the mouth.

"Yes, sorry," said Will. "I just meant there's no body else who'd know..." he paused as Kate, Ashley and Henry dissolved into giggles, not realising what he had said.

One good thing had come out of this, thought Tesla as he fumed in his jar. Druitt wouldn't be coming around so often, not with Tesla on the mantle piece jabbering away incessantly.


End file.
